So I am a bit behind
in several things.
I am learning to embrace that.
Being behind.
The fact that this side of heaven,
things will not be perfect.
And by things,
I mean me.
Lot's has happened,
and I have imperfectly lived it, since my last post.
Just got through reading through too many sad stories and news accounts surrounding the Boston Marathon and other happenings.
I was driving to an appointment on Monday, when I heard something on the radio.
I immediately thought of my friend running in the Marathon.
I called and texted him.
No answer.
I called and texted a few of our mutual friends to see if anyone had heard from him.
No one had yet, but we planned on notifying each other as soon as one of us did.
I became increasingly anxious as I heard more news reports,
wondering where he was and if he was ok.
This is something I thought about in that moment.
My capacity to understand and process sad things.
I am not sure we as humans can emotionally grasp and deal appropriately with the depth of the horrible things we hear about on the news.
I don't think we were made to be able to fully understand this sort of thing,
to take all the information in and handle it.
It can be helpful in a difficult situation to not fully grasp the extent of something.
I think our minds inability to do so can protect us until we are in a position to work through something.
But my inability to do so coupled with the medias persistence in presenting the news with one of two attitudes, often leaves me feeling bad about myself.
I have to limit my news intake because of this.
I tend to sense one of two undertones in the media's presentation of anything tragic.
One is a straightforward tone of "just the facts".
Numbers.
Statistics
The other is a tone of excitement about the drama unfolding,
a certain look in the reporters eye,
a certain type of music to go along with the story,
a desire for a certain effect in the hearers mind and heart.
We as humans don't always grasp the meanings of the words.
3
individuals killed, means 3 families and communities affected.
It means 3
lives cut short.
It means mourning and grief for many more individuals.
For every number mentioned, there are more numbers.
More families and neighbors and friends and witnesses.
Tragedy has ripples.
Numbers don't suffice.
There are real people, and families and communities that are affected by every single number that is talked about.
I get that.
I also get that the media can tend to make me feel manipulated.
Like if the numbers are big enough, people will care.I react to things being presented in a way to invoke some kind of emotion.
I know that about myself.
I react to it in more than just the news. I see it in movies, tv shows, relationships.
I think some of it has to do with the fact that I wish we could just hear the words that are true, understand their meaning and then be allowed to feel whatever we feel.
I don't need the media needs to present a story with a movie score behind it so that I know how to feel.
I am human, I have feelings.
The news should not have to be presented in a dramatic way for us fellow humans to comprehend that it is a tragedy.
We should be able to understand the meanings of words without the dramatic music in the background.
Numbers are never just numbers.
Whether it is 3 people or 1500,
Each persons life matters.
Maybe not specifically to you, but to someone, to lots of people.
Ripples are real.
The problem is that I can't handle those ripples. When I start really thinking about the facts and the meanings of the words spoken. I get overwhelmed and depressed.
Before there was TV, or 24 hour news, or this here interweb, we dealt with and entered into the news of our neighbors and towns.
Even that is difficult.
Caring about those around you.
But now, we can be bombarded by news from everywhere.
I don't know if we as humans are capable of actually understanding the sadness of all these events.
I think we can get the facts, but I am learning that the real heartache or hardship behind it, the rest of the story, I am not always able to enter into.
I can't handle that much sorrow, grief, or anger.
I can't handle the knowledge of evil like this.
That is my point.
I
can't handle it and I am not sure that I was made to.
This comforts me.
I don't have to get it.
Me fully comprehending or knowing every single thing about a particular tragedy does not make it more real, or more sad, or more of a tragedy.
Words mean things.
I don't have to somehow manipulate my brain and my heart to fully absorb these sad stories to make them true.
I don't have to manipulate my brain or heart to fully absorb the real extent, the ripples of this tragedy either, because I have a God who fully absorbs, who fully understands, who sees every victim and mourning or confused person, not just for Boston, but the world.
It is too big for me, but not for Him.
This doesn't let me off the hook, in case you are wondering.
It feels more like a place of rest where I can then look out and see what my part can be in the restoration and healing.
How do I come along side my friend who was ran the Boston Marathon on Monday,
who survived uninjured,
but is still grieving?
I am free to think about how to pray, to give, and to grieve because I do not have to carry the full weight of this tragedy.
God is doing that already.
I am now free to grieve and pray and give, in my own limited way,
because the weight of the world is not on my shoulders.
It is on His.
His shoulders are a good place for the weight to be,
because He knows suffering,
because He has experienced it more deeply than you or I will ever have to.
So rest easy little hurting world.
Your God is BIG and He gets it.
Now get to work!
